Reverts' Journey After Shahadah (Folder)

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Remember that feeling of inner peace after taking Shahadah?
It was a very special moment for most reverts, an important turning point in their lives.
But the Shahadah was only the first step on a long journey in search for God, a journey that needs patience, knowledge, understanding and a lot of wisdom.
New Muslims, especially those living in non-Muslim countries, have their unique needs and circumstances that relate to the environment and conditions they live in.
The idea of change is often not that easy: A change of lifestyle, of priorities and interests, together on the other side with a change of perceptions and attitudes of family and friends towards most reverts. This transition takes time, and needs clear directions and sincere guidance and advice.
This folder is a practical guide to help new Muslims go through a smooth transition and take the first steps of practicing Islam, living by its principles and coping with the challenges confronting them on their way to a new life of peace.
Welcome to Islam, and best wishes for a happy and fruitful journey on your Path to Allah.

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A Well-Balanced Life After Conversion
How to Tell Your Parents About Your Conversion
Seeking Good Companions
Faith Travels, Cultures Don’t!
Managing Ramadan with Your Non-Muslim Family
Holding On to Who You Are
Balanced Islam: Ethics vs. Today’s Challenges
Serving Humanity (Imam Zaid Shakir)
UK Sisters Face the Challenges of Conversion
After Takbir: Advice to a Muslim Convert
Changing a New Muslim’s Name: Custom or Religious?
Twelve Tips for New Muslims
How to Accommodate New Converts
UK Reverts Shine at the Muslim Now Retreat
First Chapter of the Quran: Unlike Any Other
Learning to Pray
By Reading Islam Staff

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https://www.ebnmaryam.com/vb/t198094.html

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How to Tell Your Parents About Your Conversion



Whenever someone accepts Islam, his or her first concern after wanting to learn how to live as a Muslim is usually: “How can I tell my parents I have become a Muslim?”


Most people are really wary about starting this particular conversation, because they anticipate that it won’t go smoothly or they are just scared that they won’t handle it well.


It’s easy to understand why new Muslims might be worried. They have just taken a massive step in making a lifelong commitment to Islam and they did it because they have complete trust that their decision is the correct one for them. They now have a precious gift that they treasure; one which they would ideally like to share with everyone they know, but they also want to protect it.


Understanding Parent’s World View

Having been raised in a non-Muslim world, new Muslims are fully aware of how their non-Muslim family and friends view Islam and Muslims. They too will have been battered with the negative images and biased reporting from the media, whose reports interpret the world through their own cultural and political world view. They themselves may have even accepted what they were told as the truth, until God opened their hearts to look behind those stories to seek for the truth. So they understand how others might view them now they have converted; with curiosity, suspicion, fear and maybe even hate.
Or it may be that they have been raised in a typically segregated culture, with people who have little or no personal contact with Muslims; with people who view Muslims as ‘the others’ and ‘different from us’ and to be treated with caution. It may have been through the rebel in them, their curiosity or just life opportunities that God led them to have contact with Muslims and through them they were able to learn about Islam. And depending on how open they have been about their new friends to their family, they may have already had a foretaste of their family’s possible reaction to their conversion from their reactions to their friends. So it’s no wonder that they feel nervous about breaking the news to their family.
Some Worries


Many new Muslims anticipate that their parents will ask lots of questions, and although they have sound faith in Islam, they also realize that it is a fledgling faith and that their knowledge is limited. They worry that, if they are questioned, they may not be able to defend Islam in the way they would like to.


They worry that their family may try to make them change their mind or ridicule them and they won’t know how to answer them. They worry that it may cause a rift in their relationship with their parents, because they won’t be able to join in with the usual family meals or activities and they aren’t sure how they’ll cope with that.


They worry that their parents may reject them, as they have rejected their friends or other Muslims or that there may be a physical reaction or violence in response to the news. And on top of all that, they are usually aware of God’s commandments to be good to parents and so they want to please Him in the best way they can:
{And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment.} (Ahqaf 46: 15)
Ideas to Fall Back On


It would be wonderful if there was one answer that could be given to that question: “How can I tell my parents that I have become a Muslim?”, but the truth is that there isn’t a single answer. There are as many possible ways that it could be done as there are different family relationships, and an outsider cannot possibly know which way would be best for that particular family.


A lot will depend on the circumstances too, whether the new Muslim still lives in their parents' home or whether they are independent of them, but both situations can require careful handling. The simple answer is that the new Muslim knows their family best and is best placed to know what they can and can’t say to their parents, and how they may possibly react, but as there are often some surprises, it’s useful to have some ideas to fall back on.


In the Sheffield New Muslim Project, when this question arises, we try to share stories of what worked for us when we told our parents, in the hope that some of our ideas may be useful and to show the different possible ways.


Here are some of the ways our sisters approached their discussions: Some sisters have been able to share their journey with their families; telling them about the things they have been discovering and discussing their thoughts along their journey. Other sisters found that when they felt it was time to tell their family that although they may not have said anything about their journey directly, their parents weren’t surprised as they had been noticing the changes in them. Other sisters delayed telling their parents until they had studied more about Islam and worked out some answers to anticipated questions. Other sisters deliberately left books and pamphlets or dropped subtle comments into conversations to stimulate questions and conversation. Some did it alone and others brought someone (a friend or a husband) along with them for moral support.
Telling My Parents
I was fortunate in that I was living overseas in Malaysia when I said my Shahadah. So I was able to prepare myself for the conversation before my next visit home. After I had been home for a while and we had got over the initial excitement of the visit and the catching up conversations, I told my parents that I had something I wanted to tell them. The mere fact of that statement caused them to draw breath in anticipation of some important news. As I began to tell them that I had accepted Islam and become a Muslim, I could see their faces change and a level of shock setting in. It was clearly not anticipated news. So I tried my best to tell them in a gentle way, explaining as best as I could my reasons for doing it, remembering the verse below:


{And do not argue with the People of the Scripture except in a way that is best} (Ankabut 29: 46)
They came out with some sharp comments initially, such as “Why have you decided to join those poor and ignorant people?” (Sadly that was their impression of Muslims at that time, 20 years ago, and would probably have been replaced by “those terrorists” today!)


Later on in my visit, after the news had had time to sink in and they had seen me disappear off to pray a few times, the questions and comments became deeper and more thoughtful. They showed their concern as to the implications that my decision might have on my life, in terms of possible marriage and how I might be treated by being an outsider from the community, and also how it would impact on my relationship with them. One comment that came from past dealings with ‘religious people’ was to tell me ‘not to think that I was better than them’ and also that I wasn’t to try to convert them.
{Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavour to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance].} (Luqman 31: 14-5)


I’d like to say that my parents fully accepted my decision. They accepted the fact of my conversion and my choice and are willing to make certain accommodations, but there still appears to be a constant regret. Regret that I have chosen another path and rejected many of the things that they hold dear or part of ‘normal life’. So I try to hold onto the verse below and pray that one day God will open my family’s hearts to Islam, but even if He doesn't, I will do my best to maintain the best relationships with them that I can, so I have done my part:


{And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah].} (Ta-Ha 20: 44)

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Seeking Good Companions

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) often spoke to his companions about the value of good companionship. He emphasized the need to surround ourselves with good people.


People, who hold the same values and beliefs that we do, make the best friends and companions.
Differences of opinion, different lifestyles and interests may make our friendships interesting and sometimes challenging but if the core value system is not the same the friendship itself probably has no solid foundation.


For the believer, the solid foundation must always be Islam; the irrefutable truth that there is no god worthy of worship but Allah and that Muhammad is His messenger. Every believer, past, present and future is linked by this fundamental truth. Prophet Muhammad spoke about this bond on many occasions.


“The example of the believers, in their mutual love and mercy for one another is like the example of one body, if one part feels pain, then all of the body suffers in sleeplessness and fever.” (Al-Bukhari & Muslim)
“The believer to the believer is like a solid building, one part supporting the other.” (Al-Bukhari & Muslim)
Friendship and companionship are important in Islam. A good friend is one who accepts your shortcomings, but at the same time guides and supports you. A good friend is one who accommodates your faults but corrects them where possible. A good friend is one who will love and forgive you for the sake of God.
Choosing Friends


It is important to choose your friends carefully. Prophet Muhammad warned the believers about this too. He said that a person would be influenced by his friends, and he warned that everyone should look carefully at those they consider to be their friends:


“A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.” (At-Tirmidhi)
What we can understand from this is that it is easy to be influenced by the people around us. It is easy to take on their mannerisms and qualities without even being aware of it. If these are good qualities then it is a good thing but what if the people you consider friends have pushed you away from the remembrance of God? This could be a disaster, and God warns about it in the Quran.


{And (remember) the Day when the wrong-doer (oppressor, polytheist etc.) will bite on his hand, he will say: ‘Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger. Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! He indeed led me astray from the Reminder (the Quran) after it had come to me.} (Al-Furqan 25: 27)


Prophet Muhammad also reiterated this point when he told the story of the blacksmith and the perfume seller:
“The example of a good companion (friend) in comparison with a bad one is like that of one who sells musk and the blacksmith. From the first, you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell, while from the blacksmith you would either get burned or smell a bad scent.” (Al-Bukhari)

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Once we have found good friends it is important to keep and maintain the friendship. Believers are connected by their love of God and His messenger and this entails certain responsibilities. A person must be prepared to overlook some of the faults of his brother or sister in Islam; he must be prepared to give them excuses for any incorrect or bad behavior they see in them.
This does not mean however you should turn a blind eye to sin. No, rather it means that you must maintain the ties of friendship while seeking to understand and help those who have gone astray. Believers must never embarrass or publicly harass one another. They must never expose each other’s faults. Kindness and mercy must be evident in all dealings:
“Whoever conceals (the fault of) a Muslim, God will conceal his fault on the Day of Judgment.” (Abu Dawud)
Islamic scholar, Ibn Mazin said: “The Believer seeks excuses for his brothers, whilst the hypocrite seeks out their faults.” Another Muslim scholar, Hamdun al-Qassar said: “If one of your brothers’ commits an error, then seek ninety excuses for him, and if not, then you are the blameworthy one.”In his traditions, Prophet Muhammad said:
“A person visited his brother in another town and God sent an angel to wait for him on his way.
The angel said: “Where do you intend to go?”
The man answered: “I intend to go to my brother in this town.”
The angel said: “Have you done any favor to him, the repayment of which you intend to get?”
He said: “No, I love him for the sake of God, the Exalted and Glorious.”
Thereupon the angel said: “I am a messenger to you from God to inform you that God loves you as you love him.” (Muslim)
Believers should never be envious of one another, they should always be happy when the blessings of God fall upon their friends and companions. Prophet Muhammad said:
“None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” (Al-Bukhari)
“The Muslim’s prayer for his absent brother will be answered. There is an angel at his head who, whenever he prays for his brother, says, Amen, and you shall have likewise.” (Muslim)
“Do not have malice against a Muslim; do not be envious of other Muslims; do not go against a Muslim and forsake him. Oh the slaves of Allah! Be like brothers with each other. It is not violable for a Muslim to desert his brother for over three days.” (Muslim)
A believer loves all other believers for the sake of God. He desires for them what he desires for himself. A believer is tolerant of others mistakes or shortcomings and is forgiving. There is no anger, envy, hatred or malice between believers. Believers are kind, loyal and generous to one another and they pray for each other.
It may sound too good to be true, doesn’t it? This however is Islam. It is a way of life that expects every person to respect every other person. Islam says you are part of a community and it is your right and your responsibility to be the very best person that you can be. Seeking good companions and maintaining good relationships is a responsibility that each believer has to himself, his community and to God. Seek companions who are seeking paradise in the hereafter.
{Content yourself with those who pray to their Lord morning and evening, seeking His approval, and do not let your eyes turn away from them out of desire for the attractions of this worldly life, and do not yield to those whose hearts We have made heedless of Our remembrance, those who follow their own low desires, those whose ways are unbridled.} (Al-Kahf 18: 28)

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By Aisha Stacey

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Managing Ramadan with Your Non-Muslim Family




Living with your non-Muslim family as a new Muslim poses many different challenges and in my experience, Ramadan is one of the biggest challenges.



The challenges of course vary from family to family, but can be particularly challenging if they aren’t open to your new-found faith or to certain aspects of it.
As in any household, there are always compromises to be made, but when the family members have different beliefs and ways of life, the balance is a very fine one that can easily be tipped one way or the other. It sometimes feels as if you are walking on a bit of a tightrope trying to please everyone, and yet keep true to Islam.

During most of the year, minor adjustments and compromises can be made, as a new Muslim tries to keep within the bounds set by God, but still maintaining the family ties. The timing of activities, such as praying can be adjusted to fit into the family routine, Islamic activities can happen outside the house and friends not invited round to avoid arguments and clashes.
But when it comes to Ramadan, one of the five pillars of Islam, it’s not as easy to make compromises, as the timings for fasting are strictly prescribed and the prohibitions are absolute (other than due to the lawful exceptions). And God’s commands have to take priority over family wishes:
{But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness…} (Luqman 31: 15)
So how can you manage to do that in Ramadan? It’s impossible to give one standard answer to that question, but the following are some ideas that I have tried while living with my family or that others have tried.
Show Understanding for Their Point of View
It can be very easy in the early flushes of your new faith to be so enthusiastic about it that you forget how strange some of the rituals of Islam seem to other people. They don’t have the same belief as you and therefore find it very difficult to understand why you have to fast for a whole month and be so strict about it. They can’t understand your motivation for doing it and everything about fasting may seem to clash with their own understandings of life and how it should be lived.
If you are facing this type of challenge, one of the best ways to explain about Ramadan I have found is to research the health benefits of fasting. Although this is not our main motivation for fasting, explaining it from a scientific perspective may help your family to accept it better. Booklets like the “Ramadan Health Guide” produced by the National Health Service can be a great help with this, as it’s produced by a trusted scientific organization.Being Gently Firm
Some of my biggest challenges with my family have been when they have tried to tell me what God does or doesn’t want from me or when they have tried to impose their interpretation on me of how I should practice my faith.
Looking back, I can see how my practice of Islam may have been confusing, as over the years, when I have learned more and grown into Islam, I have gradually adopted slightly different practices. This may have made it seem as if it is possible to pick and choose what I practice and make it seem as if I could be persuaded to change what I had planned. But in the end, as I will be the one standing in front of God accounting for my life; I will be the one who has to justify my actions based on my best understanding of my faith. So I have therefore had to gently stand firm for what I have understood to be the best thing for me to do and used the "broken record" technique; simply repeating my position and not succumbing to persuasion.
This hasn’t always been easy to do at the time and has resulted in some emotional conversations, but in the end, when it became clear that I was standing firm, it was accepted, even though that may have been done grudgingly. And maybe I gained some respect for holding onto my beliefs along the way, even though they weren’t necessarily agreed with.
Drink Plenty and Eat a Healthy Balanced Diet
One of the things that non-Muslims find most difficult to understand is the fact that not only we do not eat during the daylight hours in Ramadan, but we also don’t drink anything. Contemporary medical advice encourages people to drink water regularly to keep hydrated, so when your parents see you not drinking, they naturally get worried that you are harming yourself.
So make sure that you do drink plenty during the night, and let them know that you are. Also make sure to eat a healthy balanced diet and take a short nap if you need to, to show them that you are being responsible about your fasting.
Spend Quality Time with Your Family
If your family normally eats together, it will be strange for them to know that you are in the house and not eating with them. It may be even more uncomfortable for you to sit with them but not eat. The ideal would of course be if they would be willing to change their mealtimes to eat with you, but if that doesn’t happen, there are several things you could do.
You could try to make up for missing mealtimes by finding as much quality time to spend with them at other times during the day as you can. You could help to prepare the dinner and clear away after it or better still, cook meals for them! Look out for other ways that you could show your appreciation for this being a difficult time for them.
Make It Easy for Your Parents
My father used to find Ramadan so stressful that he once suggested that I should move out for the month, so they didn’t have to deal with it. It didn’t actually come to that, but instead I try to make it easier and more natural by taking as many opportunities as I can to go out and have Iftar with friends; this makes me not eating with them on those days seem more normal. When I bring back food for them, it also lets them know that I was thinking of them while I was out. If you are able to go away for some time in Ramadan, it may also help to relieve some of the stress and maybe going to I’tikaf (retreat) might benefit you all!
Whatever you decide to do, you will need to do it with respect, as you are living in parents’ house and this can be a powerful tool for daw’ah.
May Allah help you to find the best way to please Him and also your family!