Jokes and wonders of the Bible

[محبة الرحمن]

Episode 16

If you are under 18 years old don’t read this episode

Ezekiel 23 )New American Standard Bible)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...3&version=NASB

Ezekiel 23
Oholah and Oholibah's Sin and Its Consequences
1The word of the LORD came to me again, saying,
2"Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother;
3and they played the harlot in Egypt. They played the harlot in their youth; there their breasts were pressed and there their virgin bosom was handled.
4"Their names were Oholah the elder and Oholibah her sister. And they became Mine, and they bore sons and daughters. And as for their names, Samaria is Oholah and Jerusalem is Oholibah.
5"Oholah played the harlot while she was Mine; and she lusted after her lovers, after the Assyrians, her neighbors,
6who were clothed in purple, governors and officials, all of them desirable young men, horsemen riding on horses.
7"She bestowed her harlotries on them, all of whom were the choicest men of Assyria; and with all whom she lusted after, with all their idols she defiled herself.
8"She did not forsake her harlotries from the time in Egypt; for in her youth men had lain with her, and they handled her virgin bosom and poured out their lust on her.
9"Therefore, I gave her into the hand of her lovers, into the hand of the Assyrians, after whom she lusted.
10"They uncovered her nakedness; they took her sons and her daughters, but they slew her with the sword. Thus she became a byword among women, and they executed judgments on her.
11"Now her sister Oholibah saw this, yet she was more corrupt in her lust than she, and her harlotries were more than the harlotries of her sister.
12"She lusted after the Assyrians, governors and officials, the ones near, magnificently dressed, horsemen riding on horses, all of them desirable young men.
13"I saw that she had defiled herself; they both took the same way.
14"So she increased her harlotries. And she saw men portrayed on the wall, images of the Chaldeans portrayed with vermilion,
15girded with belts on their loins, with flowing turbans on their heads, all of them looking like officers, like the Babylonians in Chaldea, the land of their birth.
16"When she saw them she lusted after them and sent messengers to them in Chaldea.
17"The Babylonians came to her to the bed of love and defiled her with their harlotry. And when she had been defiled by them, she became disgusted with them.
18"She uncovered her harlotries and uncovered her nakedness; then I became disgusted with her, as I had become disgusted with her sister.
19"Yet she multiplied her harlotries, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the harlot in the land of Egypt.
20"She lusted after their paramours, whose flesh is like the flesh of donkeys and whose issue is like the issue of horses.
21"Thus you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when the Egyptians handled your bosom because of the breasts of your youth.
22"Therefore, O Oholibah, thus says the Lord GOD, 'Behold I will arouse your lovers against you, from whom you were alienated, and I will bring them against you from every side

[Authentic Man]

Amazing job, sister
May Allah bless you

[محبة الرحمن]

Quote

Amazing job, sister
May Allah bless you

Thank you brother

may allah bless you too

[محبة الرحمن]

Episode 17

Five chapters of flirtation and love

Song of Solomon 4 )New International Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...+4&version=NIV
Song of Solomon 4
Lover
1 How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes behind your veil are doves.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
descending from Mount Gilead.
2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn,
coming up from the washing.
Each has its twin;
not one of them is alone.
3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
are like the halves of a pomegranate.
4 Your neck is like the tower of David,
built with elegance [a] ;
on it hang a thousand shields,
all of them shields of warriors.
5 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle
that browse among the lilies.
6 Until the day breaks
and the shadows flee,
I will go to the mountain of myrrh
and to the hill of incense.
7 All beautiful you are, my darling;
there is no flaw in you.
8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride,
come with me from Lebanon.
Descend from the crest of Amana,
from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon,
from the lions' dens
and the mountain haunts of the leopards.
9 You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have stolen my heart
with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much more pleasing is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!
11 Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride;
milk and honey are under your tongue.
The fragrance of your garments is like that of Lebanon.
12 You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride;
you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
13 Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates
with choice fruits,
with henna and nard,
14 nard and saffron,
calamus and cinnamon,
with every kind of incense tree,
with myrrh and aloes
and all the finest spices.
15 You are [b] a garden fountain,
a well of flowing water
streaming down from Lebanon.
Beloved
16 Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread abroad.
Let my lover come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.

Song of Solomon 5 )New International Version)
Song of Solomon 5
Lover
1 I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;
I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.
I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;
I have drunk my wine and my milk.

Friends
Eat, O friends, and drink;
drink your fill, O lovers.
Beloved
2 I slept but my heart was awake.
Listen! My lover is knocking:
"Open to me, my sister, my darling,
my dove, my flawless one.
My head is drenched with dew,
my hair with the dampness of the night."
3 I have taken off my robe—
must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
must I soil them again?
4 My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening;
my heart began to pound for him.
5 I arose to open for my lover,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with flowing myrrh,
on the handles of the lock.
6 I opened for my lover,
but my lover had left; he was gone.
My heart sank at his departure. [a]
I looked for him but did not find him.
I called him but he did not answer.
7 The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
They beat me, they bruised me;
they took away my cloak,
those watchmen of the walls!
8 O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you—
if you find my lover,
what will you tell him?
Tell him I am faint with love.
Friends
9 How is your beloved better than others,
most beautiful of women?
How is your beloved better than others,
that you charge us so?
Beloved
10 My lover is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.
11 His head is purest gold;
his hair is wavy
and black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves
by the water streams,
washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.
13 His cheeks are like beds of spice
yielding perfume.
His lips are like lilies
dripping with myrrh.
14 His arms are rods of gold
set with chrysolite.
His body is like polished ivory
decorated with sapphires. [b]
15 His legs are pillars of marble
set on bases of pure gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as its cedars.
16 His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is altogether lovely.
This is my lover, this my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem.


Song of Solomon 6 )New International Version)
Song of Solomon 6
Friends
1Where has your lover gone,
most beautiful of women?
Which way did your lover turn,
that we may look for him with you?
Beloved
2 My lover has gone down to his garden,
to the beds of spices,
to browse in the gardens
and to gather lilies.
3 I am my lover's and my lover is mine;
he browses among the lilies.
Lover
4 You are beautiful, my darling, as Tirzah,
lovely as Jerusalem,
majestic as troops with banners.
5 Turn your eyes from me;
they overwhelm me.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
descending from Gilead.
6 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep
coming up from the washing.
Each has its twin,
not one of them is alone.
7 Your temples behind your veil
are like the halves of a pomegranate.
8 Sixty queens there may be,
and eighty concubines,
and virgins beyond number;
9 but my dove, my perfect one, is unique,
the only daughter of her mother,
the favorite of the one who bore her.
The maidens saw her and called her blessed;
the queens and concubines praised her.
Friends
10 Who is this that appears like the dawn,
fair as the moon, bright as the sun,
majestic as the stars in procession?
Lover
11 I went down to the grove of nut trees
to look at the new growth in the valley,
to see if the vines had budded
or the pomegranates were in bloom.
12 Before I realized it,
my desire set me among the royal chariots of my people. [a]
Friends
13 Come back, come back, O Shulammite;
come back, come back, that we may gaze on you!

Lover
Why would you gaze on the Shulammite
as on the dance of Mahanaim?

Song of Solomon 7 )New International Version)
Song of Solomon 7
1 How beautiful your sandaled feet,
O prince's daughter!
Your graceful legs are like jewels,
the work of a craftsman's hands.
2 Your navel is a rounded goblet
that never lacks blended wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat
encircled by lilies.
3 Your breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon
by the gate of Bath Rabbim.
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon
looking toward Damascus.
5 Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel.
Your hair is like royal tapestry;
the king is held captive by its tresses.
6 How beautiful you are and how pleasing,
O love, with your delights!
7 Your stature is like that of the palm,
and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
8 I said, "I will climb the palm tree;
I will take hold of its fruit."
May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine,
the fragrance of your breath like apples,
9 and your mouth like the best wine.

Beloved
May the wine go straight to my lover,
flowing gently over lips and teeth. [a]
10 I belong to my lover,
and his desire is for me.
11 Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside,
let us spend the night in the villages. [b]
12 Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded,
if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
there I will give you my love.
13 The mandrakes send out their fragrance,
and at our door is every delicacy,
both new and old,
that I have stored up for you, my lover.

Song of Solomon 8 )New International Version)
Song of Solomon 8
1 If only you were to me like a brother,
who was nursed at my mother's breasts!
Then, if I found you outside,
I would kiss you,
and no one would despise me.
2 I would lead you
and bring you to my mother's house—
she who has taught me.
I would give you spiced wine to drink,
the nectar of my pomegranates.
3 His left arm is under my head
and his right arm embraces me.
4 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
Friends
5 Who is this coming up from the desert
leaning on her lover?

Beloved
Under the apple tree I roused you;
there your mother conceived you,
there she who was in labor gave you birth.
6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy [a] unyielding as the grave. [b]
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame. [c]
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it [d] would be utterly scorned.
Friends
8 We have a young sister,
and her breasts are not yet grown.
What shall we do for our sister
for the day she is spoken for?
9 If she is a wall,
we will build towers of silver on her.
If she is a door,
we will enclose her with panels of cedar.
Beloved
10 I am a wall,
and my breasts are like towers.
Thus I have become in his eyes
like one bringing contentment.
11 Solomon had a vineyard in Baal Hamon;
he let out his vineyard to tenants.
Each was to bring for its fruit
a thousand shekels [e] of silver.
12 But my own vineyard is mine to give;
the thousand shekels are for you, O Solomon,
and two hundred [f] are for those who tend its fruit.
Lover
13 You who dwell in the gardens
with friends in attendance,
let me hear your voice!
Beloved
14 Come away, my lover,
and be like a gazelle
or like a young stag
on the spice-laden mountains.

Is this word of God or the words of a drunk man

[محبة الرحمن]

Episode 18

Deuteronomy 21

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...1&version=NASB


Expiation of a Crime
1"If a slain person is found lying in the open country in the land which the LORD your God gives you to possess, and it is not known who has struck him,
2then your elders and your judges shall go out and measure the distance to the cities which are around the slain one.
3"It shall be that the city which is nearest to the slain man, that is, the elders of that city, shall take a heifer of the herd, which has not been worked and which has not pulled in a yoke;
4and the elders of that city shall bring the heifer down to a valley with running water, which has not been plowed or sown, and shall break the heifer's neck there in the valley.
5"Then the priests, the sons of Levi, shall come near, for the LORD your God has chosen them to serve Him and to bless in the name of the LORD; and every dispute and every assault shall be settled by them.
6"All the elders of that city which is nearest to the slain man shall wash their hands over the heifer whose neck was broken in the valley;
7and they shall answer and say, 'Our hands did not shed this blood, nor did our eyes see it.


What is the sin of the heifer ????
What is this stupid law ??

[محبة الرحمن]

Episode 19
The Veil ( hair and face covering ) in the bible

Hair covering
Corinthians1 (11:5

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...11&version=NIV

5And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is just as though her head were shaved. 6If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. 7A man ought not to cover his head,[b] since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.


Timothy1 (2:9-10

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...+2&version=NIV

"I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God"


Face covering in songs of solomon

Song of Solomon 4 )New International Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...04&version=NIV

1 How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes behind your veil are doves.
3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
are like the halves of a pomegranate.

Isaiah 47 )New American Standard Bible)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...7&version=NASB

2"Take the millstones and grind meal
Remove your veil

[محبة الرحمن]

Episode Twenty

a Female baby defiles her mother more than male

Leviticus 12 )New American Standard Bible)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...2&version=NASB

2"Speak to the sons of Israel, saying: 'When a woman gives birth and bears a male child, then she shall be unclean for seven days, as in the days of her menstruation she shall be unclean.
5'But if she bears a female child, then she shall be unclean for two weeks, as in her menstruation; and she shall remain in the blood of her purification for sixty-six days.

[محبة الرحمن]

Episode 21

The strange law for widows
Deuteronomy 25)New American Standard Bible)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...5&version=NASB
5"When brothers live together and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the deceased shall not be married outside the family to a strange man. Her husband's brother shall go in to her and take her to himself as wife and perform the duty of a husband's brother to her.
6"It shall be that the firstborn whom she bears shall assume the name of his dead brother, so that (H)his name will not be blotted out from Israel.
7" But if the man does not desire to take his brother's wife, then his brother's wife shall go up to the gate to the elders and say, 'My husband's brother refuses to establish a name for his brother in Israel; he is not willing to perform the duty of a husband's brother to me.'
8"Then the elders of his city shall summon him and speak to him. And if he persists and says, 'I do not desire to take her,'
9 then his brother's wife shall come to him in the sight of the elders, and pull his sandal off his foot and spit in his face; and she shall declare, 'Thus it is done to the man who does not build up his brother's house.'
10"In Israel his name shall be called, 'The house of him whose sandal is removed.'

Thank God for being a Muslim

[محبة الرحمن]

Episode 22


The strange law for menstruation


Leviticus 15 )New American Standard Bible)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...5&version=NASB

19'When a woman has a discharge, if her discharge in her body is blood, she shall continue in her menstrual impurity for seven days; and whoever touches her shall be unclean until evening.
20'Everything also on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean, and everything on which she sits shall be unclean.
21'Anyone who touches her bed shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening.
22'Whoever touches any thing on which she sits shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening.
23'Whether it be on the bed or on the thing on which she is sitting, when he touches it, he shall be unclean until evening.
24' If a man actually lies with her so that her menstrual impurity is on him, he shall be unclean seven days, and every bed on which he lies shall be unclean.
25' Now if a woman has a discharge of her blood many days, not at the period of her menstrual impurity, or if she has a discharge beyond that period, all the days of her impure discharge she shall continue as though in her menstrual impurity; she is unclean.
26'Any bed on which she lies all the days of her discharge shall be to her like her bed at menstruation; and every thing on which she sits shall be unclean, like her uncleanness at that time.
27'Likewise, whoever touches them shall be unclean and shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening.
28'When she becomes clean from her discharge, she shall count off for herself seven days; and afterward she will be clean.
29'Then on the eighth day she shall take for herself two turtledoves or two young pigeons and bring them in to the priest, to the doorway of the tent of meeting.
30'The priest shall offer the one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. So the priest shall make atonement on her behalf before the LORD because of her impure discharge.'


Why all this repetition of the word unclean ?
and why everything is unclean until evening ? what about morning ?
Why should the priest make atonement for her ?
What is her sin ????
If every Christian and Jewish women in this world have to do that then how many turtledoves should be slaughtered today ?

[محبة الرحمن]

Episode 23

The provisions of the impurity in men

Leviticus 15 )New American Standard Bible)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...5&version=NASB



2"Speak to the sons of Israel, and say to them, ' When any man has a discharge from his body, his discharge is unclean.
3'This, moreover, shall be his uncleanness in his discharge: it is his uncleanness whether his body allows its discharge to flow or whether his body obstructs its discharge.
4'Every bed on which the person with the discharge lies becomes unclean, and everything on which he sits becomes unclean.
5'Anyone, moreover, who touches his bed shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening;
6and whoever sits on the thing on which the man with the discharge has been sitting, shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening.
7'Also whoever touches the person with the discharge shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening.
8'Or if the man with the discharge spits on one who is clean, he too shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening.
9'Every saddle on which the person with the discharge rides becomes unclean.
10'Whoever then touches any of the things which were under him shall be unclean until evening, and he who carries them shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening.
11'Likewise, whomever the one with the discharge touches without having rinsed his hands in water shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening.
12'However, an earthenware vessel which the person with the discharge touches shall be broken, and every wooden vessel shall be rinsed in water.
13'Now when the man with the discharge becomes cleansed from his discharge, then he shall count off for himself seven days for his cleansing; he shall then wash his clothes and bathe his body in running water and will become clean.
14'Then on the eighth day he shall take for himself two turtledoves or two young pigeons, and come before the LORD to the doorway of the tent of meeting and give them to the priest;
15and the priest shall offer them, one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering So the priest shall make atonement on his behalf before the LORD because of his discharge.


Have you noticed any difference between episode 22 & 23 ?
As you can see more and more turtledoves For slaughter and burning