Directing the new Muslims

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She loves a Hindu man who refuses to embrace Islam


Question
Assalamu Alaikum! Would like to introduce me as a strong believer in Islam. However, I'm in love with a non-muslim guy(hindu), in which he loved me a lot and me too doing the same. Since I love him, I want him to come out of his ignorance and soon embrace to Islam and believe the only Almighty is Allah and Allah only. I dont wish to marry him as he is now since I know it is haraam(I was having a great hope on Allah, that he'll soon make him realize that the only religion is Islam and he will embrace to the same). From the day 1 when I started loving him, i'm praying a lot that Allah should let him know that there is only one God, that is Allah and none other. Whatever I ask Allah, I ask this as well. My concern is why couldn't he understand that only Allah is there. I dont want him to continue as other non-muslims who is under ignorance. I want him to go towards Jannah(Insha Allah) and his family members as well. Due to his ignorance, he is believing their religion and as I'm asking Allah to realize the fact, I dont know how to explain him that the only God is Allah. Please help me on this. He is a very much understandable person, but this one thing alone he is still under ignorance which is an absolute wrong thing. I would like to marry him as an Islamic person(Hope Allah will make it true, insha allah). Request you all to make dua for us and help me understand what can be done further. Sorry if i'm wrong somewhere...

Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad , is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, you should know, dear sister, that it is forbidden for a Muslim woman to establish a friendly relationship with a non-Mahram man even if he is a Muslim, let alone if he is not a Muslim as we clarified in Fatwa 81356.

Therefore, if you have a friendly relationship with this non-Muslim, you are obliged to immediately cut it and repent to Allaah.

If you are in contact with him for the sake of Da’wah, then it is a man who should call him to Islam as he is more capable of calling him to Islam than a woman and you will be far from the steps of the devil who may drug you to unpleasant consequences, especially that you are attached to him and he is attached to you; so you should fear Allaah.

As regards why he is not yet guided, then guidance is in the Hands of Allaah; He guides whomever He wishes out of His Generosity, and He misguides whomever He wishes out of His Justice. When Allaah knows that someone is ready to accept guidance and that there is good in him, He guides him, as Allaah Says (what means): {Had Allaah known any good in them, He would have made them hear.}[Quran 8:23] As-Sa’di, [who is one of the interpreters of the Quran] said: “This is evidence that Allaah does not prevent faith and good except from the one in whom there is no good and who is not virtuous (in His Sight) and who would not respond [i.e. who would not accept guidance].”

Indeed, you find some people even if they see in front of him the unshakable mountains fight each other, and see great sings and evidence come to him, he would persist on disbelief because his heart is blind and because of his stubbornness. Indeed, Allaah Says about such people (what means): {And even if We had sent down to them the angels [with the message] and the dead spoke to them [of it] and We gathered together every [created] thing in front of them, they would not believe unless Allaah should will. But most of them, [of that], are ignorant.}[Quran 6:111] Allaah also Says (what means): {… and if they should see every sign, they will not believe in it.}[Quran 7:146]; it means no matter how much of the signs, evidence, proofs they see, they would not believe in them; Allaah Says as well (what means): {And [even] if We opened to them a gate from the heaven and they continued therein to ascend. They would say, “Our eyes have only been dazzled. Rather, we are a people affected by magic.”}[Quran 15:14-15]

Therefore, it might be that the polytheist to whom you are attached is of this kind; we seek refuge in Allaah from this.

Hence, you should fear Allaah and not be attached to him as there are many Muslims who are better than him in religion, moral conduct and beauty. You should remember the Saying of Allaah (which means): {And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite غير مسجل to the Fire, but Allaah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission.}[Quran 221]

However, it is permissible for a male relative of yours or any other man to call him to Islam as we previously mentioned but you should be careful and not hasten to marry him if he announces his becoming a Muslim, as he might do so for the purpose of marrying you and not due to having a desire to be a Muslim.

For more benefit on the prohibition of a Muslim woman's marriage to a non-Muslim man, please refer to Fatwa 84265, and to Fataawa 21363 and 84345 on how to call non-Muslims to Islam especially Hindus, and to Fataawa 81979, 86091 and 88906 on an introduction to Islam and that Islam is the true religion.

Allaah Knows best.

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Husband converted to Islam... wife still non-Muslim

Question
assalamualaikum shaikh one of my friend his name was kiran riverted to islam now his name is Yaseen alhadulillah he is married (as per hindu method) before reverting now he is doing dawa with her wife but yet she is not accepted. in this condition can he servive life with her? can he maintain the sexual relations with her? in case if she is not accepted the islam does this relation comes under zina? plz ans me as early as possible jazakallah..

Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.



His wife is either a non-believing woman from the People of the Book or a non-Muslim woman from other fiaths.

If she is from the People of the Book, then their marriage continues as it is [i.e., is still valid]. Ibn Qudaamah said in his book entitled Al-Mughni, “If the husband of a woman from the People of the Book becomes a Muslim before the consummation of the marriage or after it, or they both become Muslim at the same time, then the marriage continues as it is. This is [still valid] whether her husband is a non-believer from the People of the Book or from other non-believing faith. This is so because a Muslim may initiate marriage with a woman from the People of the Book, so keeping this marriage valid is more appropriate.”

However, if she is a non-believer but not from the People of the Book, then she is not lawful for him as Allaah The Almighty Says (speaking about the non-believing women from Quraysh other than the People of the Book)(what means): {And hold not to marriage bonds with disbelieving women.} [Quran 60:10]

Therefore, [in this case] he is not permitted to have sexual intercourse with her, and if he does so, it is pure Zina (fornication or adultery). However, if she becomes a Muslim during her waiting period, then she returns to him [she stays as his wife] by the first marriage.

Finally, we advise him to exert the utmost efforts in calling her to Islam and encouraging her to embrace it. He should supplicate Allaah The Almighty for her as Allaah may make him a reason for her embracing Islam, and in this manner, he will gain the good of this worldly life and that of the Hereafter. The Prophet said: "If Allaah guides one single man (to Islam) by your efforts, that will be better for you than possessing an abundant number of red camels (a very expensive breed of camels which is considered as the most valuable property in the sight of the Arabs)." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

Allaah Knows best.

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HOW TO INTERACT WITH NON-MUSLIM PARENTS

By Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan

Source: Salafitalk.net

Shaykh Al-Fawzan (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: [Q33]: I accepted Islaam three months ago, and I have two disbelieving parents. How do I interact with them? And am I supposed to hate them in an all-inclusive way?

He replied: [A33]: Interacting (with them) is to be done as Allaah, the Mighty and Majestic, has said: “You do not find any people who believe in Allaah and the Last Day loving those who have opposed Allaah and His Messenger, even their own fathers.”

So you are to hate them for Allaah’s sake, the Mighty and Majestic. And as for kindness, being dutiful and kind to them, then Allaah the Exalted has said: “And if they strive to make you ascribe partners with Me, that which you have no knowledge of, then do not obey them, and accompany them in the worldly life with kindness.”

This is from the angle of repaying kindness. So the parent has the right to kindness and good treatment. However, as for loving them in one’s heart, then do not ever love the disbelievers. When it became clear to Ibraaheem that his father was an enemy to Allaah, he freed himself of him.

[Source: Duroos fee Nawaaqidh al-Islaam, p.202-203] (p.90-91 of the English translation)

And he said, may Allaah preserve him, in a discussion of the permissible ways of interaction with disbelievers: [4]: It is permissible for us to respond kindly to any kindness that they have shown to us. Allaah, the Exalted One, has said: “Allaah does not forbid you from being kind and just with those who have not fought you over the Religion, nor have they expelled you from your homelands. Verily, Allaah loves those who are just.”

So if they have done something nice for the Muslims, then the Muslims may respond with something nice and compensate them. This is not from the angle of loving them, rather it is only from the angle of compensation.

Furthermore, it is obligatory to be kind to one’s disbelieving parents, without loving them. Allaah, the Exalted One, has said: “And We have admonished mankind regarding his parents. His mother carried him (in the womb) through hardships upon hardships, and then he was weaned after two years. (And We have admonished him) to be grateful to Me, and to his parents. To Me is the Return.”

“And if they strive to make you ascribe partners with Me, that which you have no knowledge of, then do not obey them, and accompany them in the worldly life with kindness. And follow the path of those who repent to Me.”

So it is obligatory to be kind to one’s parents, even if they are disbelievers, however one may not love them in his heart: “You do not find any people who believe in Allaah and the Last Day loving those who have opposed Allaah and His Messenger, even their own fathers or children.”

Loving them is one thing, and good dealings with them is another.

Umm Salamah, the daughter of Aboo Bakr, who was a polytheist, came seeking some money. So Asmaa’ went to the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) and said to him, “Verily my mother has come and she is inclined, meaning inclined to re-establish ties, so should I establish ties with her?” He replied, “Yes, keep ties with your mother.”

Thus, worldly affairs, business dealings, compensations, and exchanges (of good treatment) between Muslims and disbelievers in beneficial affairs that do not affect the Religion are permissible. Similarly, diplomatic representation between embassies is also not harmful. The polytheists used to send messengers to the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) to negotiate with him. They would enter upon him while he was in the masjid and negotiate with him. These kinds of affairs are not things that show loyalty, rather they are merely permissible affairs of benefit between the Muslims and the disbelievers.

So it is binding that we make a distinction between this and that. Some people mix up the issues that are permissible with those that are impermissible. From them are those who say, “It is permissible to love the disbelievers, because Allaah has allowed us to interact with them and to marry the Kitaabiyyaat (Jewish and Christian women), so then it is permissible to love them and not make a distinction between us and them.” This person has fallen short in his understanding (of hating the disbelievers).

On the other hand, there are people who go overboard (in hating the disbelievers). They are those who say, “It is not permissible to keep any ties whatsoever with the disbelievers, not for the sake of business, not compensation, and not repaying their kindness, as all of these affairs are displays of allegiance.” So we say to them: These affairs are not displays of allegiance. One must make a distinction between the two, between the position of the extremist and that of the neglectful one. The Religion is a middle course, and there is no extremism and no negligence in it.

So it is obligatory on us to be acquainted with these different types of interactions with the disbelievers, and to know which of them are permissible and which are not, especially in this time when there are so many people who speak about affairs of the Religion without knowledge, or they speak about the Religion based on desires.

So it is obligatory on the student of knowledge to know the legislated rulings about these affairs, as it is an important affair, since it is directly related to the Muslim’s beliefs.

Taken from Duroos fee Nawaaqidh al-Islaam, p.89-91] (p.110-114 of the English translation)

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Challenges Facing a New Muslim


Question:

As a nurse in a hospital, praying on time is a great concern for me. No one knows I'm Muslim yet. I do a job that I am on call if needed for the entire facility at every moment (a beeper) when at work, and must respond and prioritize the calls for help from being needed immediately to what needs are not immediate and can be delayed for a while. Sometimes I have a co-worker, sometimes I am alone in this job. I accomplished Salah 5 times a day without fail for a month, but I could not pray on time and sometimes had to "catch-up" later in the day by performing two prayer times together. I was constantly worrying about praying at work and maintaining privacy. The hospital I work in has no Muslim female employees that I know of, but I did see a Muslim Physician leading prayer with a few men in the chapel one day. What do you recommend I should do? Thank you



Answer


Salam ,

Thank you for your question.

We would like to welcome you to the fold of Islam which you have chosen as a way of life. May Allah always help you increase in faith and remain firm on His Straight Path.

Ameen.

I am glad to know that you work as a nurse in a hospital. What a wonderful and noble job you have chosen. Helping patients and caring for their well-being is highly praised in Islam. The nature of your job is very unique because you help alleviate the pain of others and you know firsthand the importance of patients' care. You accompany patients most of the time and this is the main human contact patients receive during their stay in hospital. Try to make patients feel comfortable and help them through the difficult time they go through. Do your best to display sympathy and empathy toward them. It is said that patients get better when they have a nurse who really cares for their health and well-being.

Working in a non-Islamic environment is by no means a reason for not answering the call of duty. Perfect your job as best as you can. Be a role model of the Muslim employee. Perfection is called ihsan in Islam which means that you worship God as if you are seeing Him, and while you seen Him not yet truly He sees you. Perfection or excellence in worship, work, and social relations should be your motto. When a Muslim perfects his/her work, he/she will be rewarded abundantly and showered with mercy and forgiveness from God.

With regard to the prayer issue, I would like to tell you that prayer is the cornerstone of worship in Islam. It stands as the second pillar of Islam. It is a special connection between you and your Creator.

The five daily prayers should be performed at their fixed times to one’s best ability. Do your best to perform each prayer at its fixed time. Surely you are given some time off for breaks during the day. Make sure to perform the prayer in the break if it is possible. Each prayer will not take more than five minutes.

If you are alone in the shift, it is much easier as your colleagues will not be watching you. If you are on shift with a colleague, excuse yourself for a few minutes and do the prayer. If there is no other way to perform the prayer at its fixed time, combine the Zhuhr (noon) prayer with the `Asr (afternoon) prayer at the time of either of them. You can also combine the Maghrib (sunset) prayer with the `Isha’ (evening) prayer at the time of either of them.

But do not make it a habit to do so. Do your utmost to perform the prayers at their fixed time once there is a chance for that.

In case you miss any prayer, please make it up once you remember it. This is the only remedy for missing a prayer.

Try to introduce yourself to the Muslim physician you mentioned and I am sure he will help you with the prayer issue. He might find a place for you where you can maintain your privacy while praying to God. He might also introduce you the Muslim community in your neighborhood.

At this stage, I advise you to read more and more about Islam and practice the rituals as much as you can. As the month of Ramadan is upon us, it will be your first Ramadan as a Muslim. Do your best to observe fasting. It will be a good opportunity to practice self-restraint. Fasting will teach you patience and perseverance. You can write down your Ramadan diary and send it to us to publish if you like, as it might serve as a source of inspiration for others.

You should also focus on developing your personality as a Muslim woman. Be honest, generous, trustworthy, truthful, and hard-working. The change in your personality will inspire others to ask about the reason of this change.

Once you have the strength and courage to tell your family and colleagues about your conversion, do it. Be ready for negative reactions and I advise you to keep calm and prove to them the positive change you have experienced after conversion. When you talk about Islam, focus on the common values between Islam and other belief systems. Do not touch the controversial issues. Do not make Islam a source of conflict with others.

If you feel that your faith is still shaky, you can postpone the declaration of your conversion till you feel that your faith is standing on a solid ground.

Please try to visit any mosque in your neighborhood where you can get to know more Muslim friends who will help you with your problems. If you are unable to find friends, talk to the Imam of the mosque and he will introduce you to Muslim friends or a Muslim family and they will be a source of support for you. Do not isolate yourself from the community, but be an active member and contribute as much as you can to the progress of your community.

If you still have further queries, do not hesitate to write to us again.

onislam.net

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Converting to Islam When Parents Are Against It


Question:


Assalamu alykum, I am still a Christian who really wants to become a Muslim. Islam has become the only true religion for me because the Qur’an is the only holy book where things haven’t changed after the prophet’s death. I really want to live as the holy Qur’an tells me and I am even learning how to pray. But I have much problems with the Arabian language. I am also having some problems why I am afraid of doing the shahada(testimony of faith that makes someone a Muslim 'officially). I am still living together with my parents and they have much prejudice against Islam and would be strictly against my conversion. So I have to do the prayers where they cannot see me. Can I officially become a Muslim without that my parents get to know it? And can I get an official certificate without that my parents get to know it? There is still another problem. I can’t do Ramadan in this way. What should I do? Well, when I have finished studying, I am planning to move to an Islamic country to live there. Is that possible? Maybe to Saudi-Arabia or to another? I am looking forward to your answers. May Allah bless you all.


Answer


I am happy to hear that you have decided that Islam is the true religion and that you want to live as a Muslim. Nevertheless, if you are still unsure, and want to visit a Muslim country to explore it further, then by all means do so before telling your parents. Maybe you could even get your parents to go with you.

If Allah wills, you might meet some very good practicing Muslims there, who are kind, generous and friendly. You might still meet some who are not – people differ. One of the best introductions to Islam for westerners is to meet really good practicing Muslims. If you decide not to go abroad, then you can concentrate on being a good example yourself. This is even without announcing your Islam. You can also try inviting good Muslim friends to your house.

Although it is essential to pray, it is possible to do so unobtrusively, in private etc, but more difficult to do so at home.

You ask: 'Can I officially become a Muslim without that my parents get to know it? And can I get an official certificate without that my parents get to know it?’ The answer, to both your questions, is: ‘Yes!’ You can simply do both of these at a mosque and your parents will not be asked to consent, or even be told about. Indeed it is not really necessary to get an official certificate, as Allah knows what is in your heart. You only need a certificate for official things, like, for example, getting a visa for hajj, or getting an Islamic marriage certificate.

As for Ramadan, it could be difficult for you to practice it at home without your parents noticing, especially if you are expected to eat with the rest of the family. If you can normally eat on your own in your room, or go out to eat with other Muslims, it would be easier.

When Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) received the first revelation, at first he did not tell anyone except a selected few, who all supported him. Only later did he receive a revelation to go public. It is admittedly a very difficult thing to tell people, especially parents, that you have chosen Islam. In fact, they do often react very negatively because of their preconceptions, fears etc. If you feel your faith is still too shaky to attempt this, then maybe you could leave the announcement until you feel strong enough.

Nonetheless, it is very important to tell them, especially if you are living with them. Parents are permanent fixtures in your life and in your own consciousness. One day they will have to know. It is better to share it with them yourself early on and not leave them to find out by accident. It would then shock them even more! If you can tell them in a good way - respectfully, kindly and without anger or seeming to reject them - that should help a lot.

Maybe you could lead up to it gradually, by pointing out some things about Islam that you think they might agree with. Get them to explore the issue with you, in a non-confrontational way. This could also help you clarify your own views. Remember how you yourself came towards Islam gradually. See if you can lead them gradually towards acceptance, if not of Islam, then at least of your own sincere commitment to it.

Only Allah can open people's hearts to Islam. Even Prophet Muhammad himself (peace be upon him) could not make some of his own uncles believe, like Abu Talib, who supported and protected him faithfully.

I have heard of some parents who do accept their children's conversions gracefully, and even some who accept Islam for themselves. Still, these seem to be the exception rather than the rule. The Qur'an tells Muslims to continue to be kind to parents, but to remain firm in their faith:
"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did." (Surah 29 Verse 8)

With all best wishes,

Wasalaam

[فداء الرسول]

Embracing Islam … and Parents Who Object


Question:


I recently reverted to Islam after about 6 months of intense reading and attending Qur'an class (al-hamdu lillah). I hid all this from my parents only because I wanted to find out who I was first without them roaring up on me and telling me that this is not right. The day I took my Shahadah, I felt an immense release of weight on my body — it was as if it was all lifted from me and I couldn't help but cry. That night when I went to bed, I thought to myself, "I've held on to a firm hand — and that hand is of Allah." Allah has given me strength but just a couple of weeks ago, I shared my story with my parents. They are not pleased at all. They simply want me to follow what they follow (my parents are born Buddhists but don't follow the religion at all). They simply say that they're simple-minded people and there's no need for me to delve into religion and God. Society will condemn my parents (according to them) and they will never be able to live in peace should I decide to continue with Islam.What's sad is that they don't even want to discuss how I came to this juncture and decision — they simply want me to leave it, no reason given. Just do it. Today, my mom took away my scarf and prayer mat because she said that I can no longer pray in the house nor anywhere else. They've asked me to choose either parents or Islam, but both are important to me.I really thought maybe I should consider learning Buddhism and delve more into it because it'll make them happy, but I can't, I just can't abandon what I've found. Islam is too encompassing of all other teachings. Buddhism talks about cutting oneself off entirely from worldly things. Well, Islam tells us not to be attached to worldly things but at the same time, I don't have to abandon relations and living within a worldly life. Moderation. In addition, Buddhism doesn't even believe in God!How can I embrace that when I know in my heart that there is a Supreme Power (Allah)? I just feel that my love and spirit of Islam is being taken away. I've been praying and making du`aa' for my parents but they want an answer now. I don't want to leave the house and live independently (even though I work now and can support myself) because to me, that's simply pushing them further away from me. When I told them that Islam encompasses all the beautiful teachings you find in all world religions, they just simply didn't want to understand.They keep saying "you're Chinese and a Buddhist and no matter what you do, you'll die as a Buddhist." My dad stopped my mom a few years ago when she was getting into Daoism. He just doesn't want any of us to follow a particular religion. I told him I want to explore, he said I can do all the exploration I want but not embrace anything. Just look at it from far, admire it, and live your life. That sounds like such an empty life to me! They told me to stop praying the "Muslim way." Help!


Answer



Thank you for your question and for your confidence in writing to us for help in finding an answer.

The situation you find yourself in at the moment is certainly a very complicated one and is causing you a lot of pain. Before saying anything else, we must remember that Almighty Allah is in control of all things and is the Master of all situations and circumstances.

Our problem is often that we want to find answers to things that are totally out of our control. There is nothing that is outside the scope of His power and His mercy. That is why Muslims should never despair and that is why the answer to your problem is just waiting to be found.

We need to remember, in answering this question, that Muslims have the greatest respect and reverence for their parents. We listen attentively to what our parents have to say, and it is our duty to love and respect them.

This love and respect includes praying for them and placing them before Almighty Allah, asking Him to care for them. It could be that this situation is a way that will bring the whole family closer together and closer to Allah.

In preparing to answer your question, I asked myself what I would have said if your question were about giving up Islam against the wishes of your parents, rather than the other way around. In both situations, though, we listen to what our parents tell us and we weigh up their advice, but we have a duty to obey Almighty Allah, too, and this duty comes before all other things. It is this duty to Allah that should inform all the decisions we make.

You obviously took your preparations for embracing Islam very seriously, by reading and by attending Qur'an classes, so when you came to your decision to declare Shahadah, it was an informed decision. The tears that you shed reflect how Allah entered your heart after your mind had submitted to His mercy. Al-hamdu lillah.

Welcome to Islam!

The situation in which you find yourself now is complicated, but there are certain things we can point out that might help you know what to do. First of all, although you will always be indebted to your parents and will always listen to their advice, you are an adult and at an age when you can make decisions on your own.

The decision about how you continue to live your life is your decision alone. Others can advise and help and offer suggestions, but it is your choice. In life we all make choices and we have to live up to the consequences of the choices we make. You must decide your priorities and make your choice.

Second, there may be many reasons why your parents are objecting to your choice of Islam, but one of them could actually be a genuine, although unfounded, fear for your safety.

We all know how the television and newspapers present Islam as a religion of extremists and terrorists, and how our television screens present to us every day images of violence and bloodshed that claims to be in the name of Islam.

While we know that Islam is a religion of peace and, as you say, a religion of moderation, any parents would be worried if they thought their son or daughter was getting involved in anything that might cause them harm.

Similarly, your parents may be concerned that their friends and those around them might have the same sort of misconceptions about Islam and might judge them harshly for having a Muslim daughter.

You will not convince your mother and father overnight that Islam is both gentle and sweet, but you can begin to do so. Show them by the way you act and speak that you are still the same daughter they have always had. You have not become an extremist or a religious maniac, but have found great happiness and peace in your life.

Show them this by what you do. Continue to laugh and joke with them. Continue to show how much you love and respect them. Begin to teach your parents about Islam, not by preaching, but by living what you have come to believe.

It could be that in this situation you are being called to teach others about Islam. It may be that your taking religion seriously is very threatening to one or both of your parents, for whatever reason. Ultimately, this reason is quite out of your control. All you can do is to continue to show your respect for Buddhism and for what your parents believe, but very gently show them that what you believe does not mean you no longer love them.

In terms of having had your prayer mat taken away, this need not be the end of the world. In an extreme circumstance like this one, you can pray in any place that is clean, with or without a prayer mat.

In terms of not being able to pray in the house, you can pray at any time during the night or when the door to your room is closed. Similarly, you can pray when you are not in the house, either in a mosque or in a quiet place at your work. So there are ways in which you can fit in the five daily prayers without it becoming a major cause for arguments at home.

Perhaps the demand for an immediate answer now to a choice between your parents and Islam is an impossible choice that you cannot give them. Perhaps you need to continue quietly praying and carrying out the duties of your religion, but for the time being not making these a reason for discord at home. I don't mean you should keep your Islam a secret, but perhaps you can find ways that do not make it a reason for argument right now.

Maybe it is going to take some time before your parents come round to the idea of you being Muslim. It doesn't seem that it will happen immediately. So use this time to strengthen your own faith and to tell your parents very gently and very quietly by what you do and say, that Islam is not going to harm you or them. On the contrary, let them see how Islam has brought great goodness into your life.

Ultimately, the decision of what to do can only be made by you. Perhaps Almighty Allah is using this test to strengthen your faith and to use you as His instrument in telling others about Islam. At the end of the day, it is your life.

You may need to make some very difficult decisions some time in the future, which might even include having to move out of the family home. But if your parents have your best interests at heart — which you will know — they will come to respect whatever decision you make if you can show them that it is making you happy and is not going to harm any of the family members.

Many Muslims before you have been called upon to make heroic sacrifices. Many more, though, have been called upon to carry on living their lives quietly as good and faithful Muslim men and women, asking Almighty Allah to help them in all the circumstances of life.

May Almighty Allah strengthen your own Islam, help you to know more and more about what Islam is, and help you by your words and actions to draw others to Him.

I hope this answers your question. Please keep in touch.

[فداء الرسول]

Celebrating Christmas


Question: As-Salamu `alaykum, I am a new Muslim, for about 6 months now. I just was wondering; my parents still celebrate Christmas, they believe in God strongly but have no particular religion. Is it permissible to celebrate Christmas with them for their sake? They would be upset if I didn't come home and spend time with them on those days. My faith is unshakable. It is only for their sake that I would do that. Jazaka Allah khayra.
Answer

Salam, Sister.

Thank you for your question.

No Social Isolation

First of all, I need to welcome you to the fold of Islam. May Allah the Almighty help you get accustomed to this new life and abide by the rules of this religion, revealed to guide mankind.

Islam, dear Sister, does not demand that Muslims live in social isolation; rather it urges us to be interactive and proactive. Islam requires of every Muslim to be a good example and a means for Islam's light to reach others.

That is why we see that as it stretches its arm to embrace every newcomer, welcoming him/her to its fold, Islam covers that person with its radiating light. But it does not cut off his/her relations with others, i.e. with those who have not yet made up their mind or those who prefer to stay out of the Islamic fold. Rather, part of what makes one a true Muslim is to strive hard for the message of Allah to reach all people. But this should be done through good manners, wisdom and an approach using logic.

Human Relations in Islam

Before going further into this topic, I want to mention Islamic teachings about human relations. In addition to regulating how Muslims conduct affairs and relations with his fellow Muslims, Islam guides Muslims towards noble dealings and good conduct with people in general, without any kind of discrimination due to differences in faith or race.

A key part of this is the Muslim's relation with his non-Muslim family, relatives, friends, neighbors etc. He should deal with them on the basis of justice and righteousness.

Your conversion to Islam does not cut your family bonds, especially to your parents. Even if they happen to be non-Muslims, you still owe them rights of obedience and dutifulness. You must still care for them and pray for their guidance. You never know, perhaps Allah will make you the cause of their embracing Islam.

Thus, in the light of these teachings, renowned Muslim scholars have made it clear that being a Muslim does not mean that a person has nothing to do with his/her non-Muslim family or relatives, even if they turn hostile to him because of his conversion to Islam.

We need to strengthen our relations with all people for through this we will be able to reach out to them, conveying Allah's message and trying to make them understand Islam. This is based on the following Quranic verse which means:
*{God forbids you not, with regard to those who fight you not for (your) Faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and justly with them: for God loveth those who are just.}* (Al-Mumtahanah 60:8)

So this means that Muslims are allowed to share with non-Muslim their joyous occasions, wishing them happy holidays. You may even send greeting cards to your Christian friends, relatives or neighbors.

If they give you gifts, you should thank them and accept them with good cheer and should also remember them at the times of Islamic holidays. Therefore, there is nothing in Islam that prevents you from being with your family during Christmas, at least to show them that you are part and parcel of them even after your conversion to Islam.

You said that your family is partially religious, in the sense that they strongly believe in God. This means that they are likely to get attracted towards Islam. But maybe the only person that can do so is you, through the wise and calm methods you adopt in presenting your ideas.

Striking a Balance

However, I need to make it clear to you that you are not allowed to go beyond sharing your family's joyous mood of the feast, for you are not allowed to celebrate Christmas with them. You have to make them understand that your presence with them means a lot to you, yet you cannot return to old habits, like drinking and dancing. They should know you expect them to respect that.

Try to draw them to awareness that since you have chosen Islam as a way of life you must not do anything that contradicts the principles of your religion. You should be clear with your family that your attendance is in order to be with the family, that your belief in Jesus is firmly according to Islamic teachings and that, were it not for being with the family, you would not be doing anything special to mark Christmas day.

Sister, you are to know that as we deal with people, interact with them socially, we must never forget that we have our own unique identity. This identity means that we have announced our commitment to follow Allah's way and abide by His rules. Part of which, is not to mix anything alien to His Religion.

So, from this, scholars have deduced a juristic ruling that Muslims must not celebrate festivals or holidays that are for non-Muslims. They emphasize that Islam suffices Muslims.

So, there is no need for us to imitate others; our religion is comprehensive in itself and it embraces all that is good. So Muslims are supposed to be the model for others, not vice versa. This is based on the hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) in which he says:

"He who imitates others is reckoned as one of them." (Abu Dawud)

Your family may find this odd in the beginning, especially as it will be the first Christmas they will celebrate without you actively participating. But as time goes on, I am sure they will understand.

Your presence with them will also be valued in addition to sending them greeting cards and exchanging gifts with them. But you must make sure that the gifts you send do not amount to something forbidden in your religion, like wine, etc. Showing compliments and felicitation here, must not collide with the principles of your religion.

Islam tends to build a strong personality that would never sway by any circumstances. This point is very clear and renowned Muslim scholars are unanimous on it. For instance, read what Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi says here:

"This sheds light on mutual rights (between Muslims and non-Muslims). If a friend of yours from among the People of the Book tends to share your joyous occasions during your feasts and never fails to share your grief at times of calamities, then there is nothing wrong in you showing him the same feelings in return, for Allah Almighty says:

*{When a (courteous) greeting is offered you, meet it with a greeting still more courteous, or (at least) of equal courtesy. God takes careful account of all things.}* (An-Nisaa' 4:86)

But this does not mean that we should celebrate with them. What we are required to show, is part of righteousness and justice well established in Islam."

So sister, you see. Islam does not erect a wall separating you from your family. Rather, it lays strong emphasis on keeping good relations with them. This is especially with your parents, whom you owe dutifulness and obedience, as long as that does not involve disobedience to the Great Creator, Almighty Allah.

Actually, parents have a very special position that is stated in the Quran:

*{And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did.}* (Luqman 31:14–15)

I hope this clarifies matters, sister.

Wishing you all the best, thanks and please keep in touch.

Salam.

[فداء الرسول]

Question:
Recently I have been getting very close to a very appealing Yemeni girl, here in North America. She's Sunni Muslim and has a very conservative outlook on life. This is although she doesn't wear a hijab, nor goes to the mosque. I like her a lot. I myself, however, was born from a Christian family, and strongly believe in a monotheist God. This is the same God identified as Allah. Recently, I asked her if she would consider marrying me. She said that if she said yes, I would have to convert to Islam. It seems a bit awkward. I have a hard time understanding how would it be possible to convert in order to believe in the same God! Yet, I am no stranger to Islam. I was fascinated by Islam since I was 15. I obtained an authentic Qur’an from a fellow student, who was Muslim. I also read a English-translation of the Qur’an and books on the subject. From my readings, I have begun to see the philosophical side of Islam that is very attractive. It is understandable why this faith is spreading… Yet, I find it somewhat a challenge to adopt the rituals full-time, when I am traditionally surrounded by non-Muslims. In fact, I often thought a Muslim was someone that believed absolutely in God's existence and influence in our lives. So, I ask: Would our relationship work and be permitted? Is it possible that we share the same God and differ only because we have been brought up with different teachers? Is such an intimate relationship encouraged? I would seriously want this relationship to workout, but at the same time I feel my relationship with God is very personal and fear that proclaiming I converted simply to be with this person would be superficial. I just feel it is important that I continue to learn more as I would never denounce the Islamic faith. If our relationship were to go forward, I would encourage that our children be educated fluently in the Qur’an and I would encourage them to make their own choice on faith. What should I do? Where can our relationship go?


Answer
Salaam Kesate,

Thank you for your question.

I sincerely hope my words would not offend you. This is because I need be frank with you and point out that being a Christian, you do not believe in the same One God, Who Muslims believe in. As a Christian, you must hold Jesus Christ (peace and blessings be upon him) as God.

In fact, from the Islamic point of view, you are committing shirk by doing so. Shirk means considering one of God’s creations as God, or at any rate worthy of worship. This, in Islam is a serious sin. This version of monotheism is in fact being a Trinitarian, not a Unitarian. Muslims do not consider it to be monotheism.

Secondly, what Islam stands for is unconditional submission to God. This means that anybody who does not order his life in accordance with the divine teachings, conveyed through the Holy Quran and sunnah (the example of Prophet Muhammad), is not a Muslim. Thus, dear brother in humanity, you are not a Muslim. The most important point here is that Islam does not approve the marriage of a Muslim girl to a non-Muslim, who does not submit peacefully and give himself totally to God, the Great Creator of existence.

Your contention that your relationship with God is a very personal one, does not work here; in your relationship with another person, who believes differently. Islam teaches that a person’s faith in God - if sincere - is expressed, not only in his private individual life, but also in his public social life. A Muslim, by definition submits peacefully, with total free will, to God, his/her Beloved Creator, in all areas of his/her life.

So, a Muslim has to submit his/her choice of food, clothes, morals, dealings with others etc. to the will of his/her Creator. He/she has to literally submit to God, in the sense that they have to kneel, prostrate and pray to God, out of a loving free will. Unless the person changes his/her life so thoroughly, as to be – really - constantly ‘struggling to surrender to the Beloved Creator - in the words of Dr Jeffrey Lang - this person is not a Muslim.

In fact, the word ‘ muslim’ in the Arabic language means ‘the one submits peacefully.’ It is related to the words salima (was given safety and peace) and salaam (peace). So muslim can finally mean ‘the one who submitted peacefully and reached safety by that submission’.

Your plan of teaching your children to be educated in Islam is a noble one. We know that it is mainly the parental influence, plus their education, that help our children make the future choices in life. As the father of your children, you have a responsibility to see that they choose a course of life that you believe is best for them.

For this purpose, you need not to be only teaching them, but also to be guiding and helping them to avoid pitfalls. But, once they become mature enough to think for themselves, they can be given the freedom to choose their course of life. Even here, in an Islamic society, the parents are anxious to see that their children do not go astray. Parents are not to “force” their children, but are to direct and advise them.

Now, let’s move to the point of conversion to Islam. In fact, according to the Islamic creed, every human is born a Muslim (peacefully submitting to God). This is in the sense that he/she follows the natural laws of God, which are often called ‘laws of nature’.

Since humans are creatures gifted with rationality and freedom of will, they have to willingly submit to God, as they attain maturity. This is what is required from you now. You are not really asked to convert to Islam, but simply to revert to Islam, your original natural religion. This is more a question of deliberate choice and change of attitude towards life, the world and existence, than “a change of your religion”.

All of us are greatly influenced by the world around us. After every important experience of life, like it or not, we change… This means that we are never the same again. In your case, you need to acknowledge that change formally and be a real Muslim, if you chose to do so. It is chiefly a question of practicing what you believe.

May God guide and help you and all of us take the wise and correct decision, always… at the earliest!

Thank you and please, if you have any other inquiries, do not hesitate to contact us.